Always a Purpose

Has anyone ever had a billion self-defeating thoughts rush into your head at once, so fast that all you feel like doing is crying and saying, "I'M JUST NOT WORTH IT!" Because I sure have. Today was one of those days. I'm constantly feeling like I'm just, not, good, enough! I'll never have what I want because what I want is too 'good' for me. Thoughts like: That brilliantly intelligent/very attractive/very spiritually mature (whatever they happen to be!) guy will NEVER like ME! rush into my head. That's a good example, unfortunately, there's so much more. These thoughts are not only a worthless cycle, but I think it goes deeper. You know? There's some trust issues I've got to work on.

 My precious Father loves me and has the most wonderful plan for my life, but here's the catch: I'll be miserable with what He's got unless...unless I am in Him and He has helped me shape my desires to His. Until then, my whole life will be drudgery: Waiting for high school to end will seem like I'm a marshmallow that God is getting ready to toast for smore's, completing college essays will seem like God slowly putting that stick through my abdomen, and waiting for my husband to make his stellar appearance will seem like God sloowwlllyyy roasting me over the fire. Fun, no?

And yet, there is another option. As long as I am in Christ, there is no drudgery...there is beautiful purpose. There is time to grow in the Word, to get lost in prayer, to completely lose myself in my Savior! The Christian life always has a God-given purpose, whether single or married, full of babies or barren, rich or poor... How amazing is that??

 I feel like I'm not good enough for what I desire, which is a family, but I'm realizing that it's not about being "good" enough, it's about waiting for God to shape and mold you, and to wait for His timing while all the time getting to know Him better. This was/is a huge lesson for me! I'm going to pray that God would continue to help us all be content...whether it be with our singleness, or with our barrenness, or just with anything we may want but not feel ready or worthy of attaining. God is enough to satisfy!

"As for God, his way is perfect" - Psalm 18:30

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" - Jeremiah 29:11

"The pain now is part of the pleasure later." - C.S. Lewis
 

"Our mentality is: 'God, tell me who, tell me when, and tell me how...and then I'll trust You!' What God wants us to see is that if He did this, our trust wouldn't be real. We want a definitive answer so that we don't feel weak, vulnerable and dependent on Him. But guess what? We are weak, vulnerable and dependent on Him. And it's only when we realize our true condition that God can demonstrate His love on our behalf." - Joshua Harris