It's been so beautiful here lately. The weather has been warm, but not too hot, and sunny. I'm beginning to realize how much it affects my mood. I'm so much happier when it's nice outside. It's like my brain and sun are somehow connected...when the sun is behind the clouds, my own mind clouds over.
And when my mind clouds over, it's like I'm a different person. I'm impatient, sometimes rude to my family and I'm just not very happy. Worst of all, I'm less motivated to meditate on the Word. I'm less motivated to honor God in all I think, say and do. I just want to curl up with a blanket and play spider solitaire, shunning all of my schoolwork and chores and devotionals. And then when the clouds clear, and it's sunny and bright, and warm...I take my dog out on a walk, turn on the worship music on my iPod and I feel alive again. It just depends on outward circumstances. Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone feel like they can't motivate themselves to be on fire for Jesus when the weather's bad? Or they're sick? Or they're in a bad mood?
I'm realizing that He is who He is, no matter where I am. God is still the same even when I'm not. Still, it's a struggle to get into this mentality. I need Him so much!
It is not the distance of the earth from the sun, nor the sun's withdrawing itself, that makes a dark and gloomy day; but the interposition of clouds and vaporous exhalations. Neither is thy soul beyond the reach of the promise, nor does God withdraw Himself; but the vapours of thy carnal, unbelieving heart do cloud thee.-John Owen
This quote is very encouraging to me. It reminds me that no matter how I'm feeling, God is still the same. He never forsakes me. In my sinful, fickle nature, I just refuse to seek Him.
Just some thoughts. It's a little bit gloomy today, and of course, I'm feeling a little down. But writing this is helpful. It's good to admit when we're struggling. If we act as though sin doesn't exist, we're denying ourselves and lying to others. I've been feeling convicted of this, too. It's so hypocritical to pretend like everything's dandy when we obviously need accountability, fellowship and encouragement each other. I don't know what I would do without these things! :)
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On a different note, I need some prayer. In two weeks and 4 days (I'm so excited!!) my youth group is leaving for summer camp. I LOVE summer camp, but the past two years my team has gotten 4th place. Now, I'm paranoid that it'll happen 3 years in a row. This is so ridiculous!! It's so prideful to let a silly little thing like THAT get in the way of my feelings during camp. With all of the teaching we hear, the songs we worship with, and the fellowship we have, that's all I'm concerned about?? I need an attitude change!!
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I'll leave you with this song: (Again, rather unrelated...I'm in an eclectic mood, haven't you noticed? Hehe!)
